


no vacancy

by antinomian



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Songfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:13:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24384868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antinomian/pseuds/antinomian
Summary: I guess I meant it when I said I never loved youBut I never meant for it to hurt this bad
Relationships: Daisy Mason/Andy Parker, Thomas Barrow & Daisy Mason
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	no vacancy

_ Break first, I break fast _

_ And hope it don't last too long _

_ Hope you don't find someone like me _

_ I care, but I'm tired _

_ I swear you won't die if I turn off the lights _

_ I swear I won't mind if she's better than I am _

Really, she should have known. In hindsight, it was obvious.

Could she even remember a time when Thomas had spoken more than two words to her when William hadn’t been in the room to see it? Two nice words, that is; he didn’t care who did or didn’t see him saying nasty ones.

She was so stupid.

Of course Thomas didn’t like her. He was beautiful and clever, and she was not. Beautiful and clever men were for beautiful and clever women, and ugly, stupid little girls like herself were for ugly, stupid little boys like William, and she was even stupider to have ever thought otherwise.

She imagined the sophisticated, modern women whom Thomas probably spent his evenings out dancing fast dances with, and she told William that she would wed him when he returned from the war because that was what nice, simple girls did when nice, simple boys asked them.

She was stupid to have ever hoped for anything else.

_ I guess I meant it when I said I never loved you _

_ But I never meant for it to hurt this bad _

_ When you call, don't ask me how I feel about it _

_ I don't know _

_ I'm sorry though _

_ I am, I am _

Daisy doesn’t look much better off than William, during their “wedding”, despite the fact that William is the one dying. She doesn’t want to marry him, and he wonders if he’s really the only one that can tell.

When he goes out to smoke, later that night, he finds her sitting in the courtyard with her head in her hands. She looks up, fast, and when she sees it’s him she starts to get up.

“Don’t be leaving on my account,” he says, and she stops. It’s too dark to see for certain, but he thinks that Daisy’s cheeks are wet.

He lights up, hoping for silence, but he can hear her sniffling and he can’t stand it.

“Thought you didn’t want to marry him?”

“That doesn’t mean I’m glad that he’s  _ dead _ ,” Daisy says, voice thick. “I- I lied to him on his death bed. I lied to his father.”

He takes a drag off his cigarette and resolves that he absolutely will not tell her to comfort herself with the thought of the money she’ll be getting from the war office. Instead he says:

“You made him  _ happy _ on his deathbed.” He exhales and watches the smoke hang in the cold air, the way the moonlight lifts each coil above the courtyard shadows. “I think that’s a better reason to lie than most.”

“Better reason than making him jealous,” she replies, bitterly. Ah. He looks down at her.

“Yes,” he says, and when she turns to him he meets her gaze levelly. “It is.”

_ Save your lights for all the colors _

_ They'll bring you in your sleep _

_ (Hey, hey, hey, hey)  _

_ Don't waste a light on me _

_ Save your eyes for someone brighter _

_ Than I will ever be _

_ Don't hesitate to bring me to my knees _

_ (Hey, hey, hey, hey)  _

_ No vacancy _

The new love triangle (quadrangle?  _ pentangle? _ ) downstair is more complicated than what went on with William, but if he’s involved it’s in a way he likes, this time. Daisy likes Alfred likes Ivy likes Jimmy, is what he knows for sure, but it’s who Jimmy likes that he wants to know. 

When Jimmy flirts with Ivy just to make Alfred mad, he can’t help but let himself hope because thats what he did, with William, and it’s whether they’re alike that he’s trying to figure out, mainly.

He can’t help but feel a bit badly for Daisy, though. Even if she’s not the one being led on, this time, Alfred doesn’t seem to know she even exists, and he’s not sure thats not worse, in its own way.

At least with Alfred she has a chance, though. He won’t begrudge anyone a chance.

_ God damn, I'm breaking up the band  _

_ To save me  _

_ Like maybe, I _

_ I deserve to die,  _

_ I killed a friend in my heart  _

_ Baby, I _

There’s been a foul sort of mood in the servants hall, these last few days, and she can’t stand it because she has no idea why. She goes out to escape it, but of course there’s Thomas, smoking in the dark. Jimmy’s not with him, and she’s starting to think it was a falling out with them that started this whole mess. 

She’s figured out, over the years, that Thomas’s bark is a good deal worse than his bite, most the time, and it’s not likely he’ll bite if she only barks.

“What happened atween you and Jimmy?”

He doesn’t turn to look at her, just hunches further over his smoke.

“Nothing,” he says flatly. “Why do you ask.”

“You’re lying. If it were nothing he’d be out here with you.” She crosses her arms.

“Go and ask Jimmy about it, then.” His voice is still flat, but she catches a waver in it that she’s not heard there before. He sniffs.

“Are you  _ crying _ ?” She can’t believe it.

“No,” he says, but he hunches in on himself further, turns away, sniffs again, and he is, Thomas Barrow is crying.

“You are,” she says, and then when she hears the amazement in her voice she checks herself before she goes on. “What did he do?”

Thomas shakes his head. “Nothing. He- it wasn’t him. It was me.”

“Well, what did you do, then?”

He doesn’t answer for a moment, and she thinks he might not at all, but finally he mutters, “something I shouldn’t’ve.”

She can’t imagine what he could’ve done that Jimmy wouldn’t eventually come round and forgive him for, really, they always seemed such good friends, and she tells him so, but he just keeps shaking his head.

“He he has every right. It’s not his fault I’m so b bloody stupid I,. He has every right to to to be disgusted an an to not want to talk to me anymore. I.” She still can’t see his face, but his voice is falling apart, and she can see the glowing end of his cigarette shaking in his hand.

She still has no idea what he’s done or where  _ disgust _ comes into it, but she feels like she might be about to. It’s not very nice to take advantage of his emotional state just because she wants to knows something about something for once, but seeing how many not very nice things he’s done over the years she can’t feel very badly about it.

“What did you do?”

“I hoped,” he says with an edge of bitter laughter, and then he swallows loudly.

It isn’t an answer, but it’s enough just pieces in the puzzle that she finally begins to understand what she’s looking at. Everything starts to make sense. 

For a moment she can’t speak.

“Is he going to call the police?”

Thomas sobs.

_ I guess I meant it when I said I never loved you _

_ But I never meant for it to hurt this bad _

_ When you call, don't ask me how I feel about it _

_ I don't know _

_ I'm sorry though _

_ I am, I am _

Thomas comes in from the courtyard, which means Jimmy is gone. He sits heavily at the table in the servant’s hall, and she makes up a cup of tea and brings it to him.

He looks up, surprised, and his eyes look red.

“Thought you looked like you needed it,” she says, and her voice comes out quieter than she means for it to.

“Thank you,” he replies, just as softly.

She starts to go, but she stops and looks back from the door. Thomas is staring into his teacup like it holds all of the secrets of the universe.

“You’ll be alright, Mr. Barrow,” she tells him, and he doesn’t look up, only smile wanly.

“I know,” he whispers. “I always am.”

_ Save your lights for all the colors  _

_ They'll bring you in your sleep _

_ (Hey, hey, hey, hey)  _

_ Don't waste a light on me _

_ Save your eyes for someone brighter _

_ Than I will ever be _

_ Don't hesitate to bring me to my knees _

_ (Hey, hey, hey, hey)  _

_ No vacancy _

He’s glad for her, truly. She’s finally managed to find a footman who likes her just as much as she likes him, and now they get to make eyes at each other across the kitchen and think about holding hands. She  _ deserves  _ it.

And he likes Andy. He doesn’t  _ like  _ him, obviously, he’s even younger than Jimmy was and liking Jimmy made him feel skeevy sometimes, but he’s honest and hardworking and he’s good to Daisy. Helping him learn to read… that was the most  _ good _ he’s felt in a long time.

He can’t help feeling a little bit jealous though. A little bit cheated. They’ve both been working at Downton for about the same amount of time. They’ve both fallen in love with two men who didn’t love them back, both lost someone to the war, both come up in the house. Now that she has Andy, he wants to ask, “what about me? Where’s my Prince Charming?”

It’s selfish. It’s stupid. It’s not how anything works and certainly not how anything works for People Like Him.

If he’s lucky, he’ll keep his job. If he’s lucky, he’ll be butler after Carson, and he’ll live to the end of his natural lifespan without being arrested for trying to have for himself a moment of what Daisy and Andy are going to have every day for the rest of their lives.

It’s all he can let himself hope for.

_ (Hey, hey, hey, hey) _

_ No vacancy _

**Author's Note:**

> this is the fastest i have ever written something! just a couple of weeks :/  
> song is no vacancy by rainbow kitten surprise.... highly recommend  
> i have never written a songfic before and ive not even really read very many but i thought this song fit them and i decided to Try


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